Let me start by saying how much I admire you for leaving everything behind to start fresh in a new country.
You left your homeland, your extended family, your favourite foods, and perhaps most painfully, your friends.
Once things have calmed down, the one thing we all crave is to make new friends. But let’s be honest, it’s not always the easiest task, is it? Throw in a couple of kids, a spouse, and a busy schedule, and suddenly your social life feels like a relic from another era. And if, like me, you’re an introvert, well, that just adds a delightful layer of challenge.
But we still need friends, don’t we?
People who…
- Share similar interests
- Face similar struggles
- Get who you really are
- Understand what you’re going through
We all need these people in our lives. But when you’re living abroad with a family in tow and haven’t quite mastered the local language, making friends can feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen posts in expat groups complaining about how difficult it is to make Spanish friends. But let me tell you, it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park making friends in Ireland when I lived there, either. And even now, after 10 years in Spain, I can count my close Spanish friends on one hand.
And you know what? That’s okay.
I’m currently visiting my family in Mexico and have realised that it’s not just Spain—it’s tough to make friends anywhere as an adult.
Spaniards, the Irish, Mexicans—they’re all warm and friendly people. So why is it so hard to crack the friendship code?
Having a life vs building a life
It’s not that you, as a foreigner, can’t make friends with locals. It’s just that locals have their lives already sorted. They’ve got their routines, and they’re often very family-oriented—Sunday lunch with the in-laws, anyone?
Meanwhile, you’re still finding your feet, adjusting to the new mealtimes, discovering your new city, and trying to soak up every new experience. You’re building a life, while locals are busy living theirs.
Having a family
Making friends when you’re single and carefree is one thing. But when you’ve got kids, the whole dynamic changes. Your time is no longer your own, and socialising can start to feel like a luxury you can’t afford.
That’s why it’s so important to find ways to connect with people who are in the same stage of life as you. After all, you need someone who understands the unique challenges of parenthood in a foreign country.
Cultural differences
Culture is a biggie. Things that seem normal to you might be totally off the wall to someone else. To make friends, both sides need to be willing to acknowledge, respect, and embrace these differences. You don’t have to love everything about your new culture, but you do need to accept it.
Why am I telling you all this? Because it’s easy to overlook how our stage of life and cultural awareness impact our ability to make connections. We need to be open to trying new things and proactive in seeking out opportunities to meet new people.
But don’t force it. If yoga isn’t your thing, don’t do it just because you think you’ll meet a new friend there. Find a hobby you genuinely enjoy instead.
So, where do we meet new people if we're builing a new life & have a family?
Schools
The school run can be more than just a daily chore. Arrive a bit early, smile at the regular faces, and if you’re feeling brave, strike up a chat. I’ve met some lovely people this way, not just in Spain but also in Germany. It might not be friendship at first sight, but with a bit of effort, you could find yourself making some genuine connections.
Extracurricular activities for your kids
Stick around during your kids’ after-school activities. Smile, wave, and chat with other parents who are also waiting around. Even if you don’t find a bosom buddy, at least you’ll have someone to pass the time with.
Gym or sports clubs
Whether it’s yoga, pilates, tennis, or zumba, find something you enjoy and become a regular. The great thing about these activities is that you’ll meet like-minded individuals who share at least one interest with you. And the best part? You get to talk about something other than the kids for a change.
Hobbies
I tried this, and it kind of worked. I decided to learn to sew and joined a sewing class. It was fun, challenging, and a great way to meet people. I didn’t make lifelong friends, but I got a glimpse into the local culture and met some lovely ladies along the way.
My friend Lorena started going to cultural activities and met loads of new people. If you’re into reading, why not join a book club? Start with English, and as your Spanish improves, you can switch or add another group.
Join local WhatsApp groups
Ask your new neighbours or a fellow parent if there’s a local WhatsApp group you can join. It’s a great way to stay in the loop and maybe even score an invite to a local event.
Learn Spanish in a Group Class
Ah, here it comes—the bit where I tell you to learn Spanish. But hear me out! Learning Spanish isn’t just about communicating with locals; it’s about connecting with them. And if you join a group class, you’ll meet people who are in the same boat as you—newbies in Spain, navigating the same challenges.
And yes, I do have an online group Spanish course starting in September. It’s a perfect way to learn the language, meet new people, and share the journey together. Because as the African proverb goes, “If you want to go fast, walk alone; if you want to go far, walk together.”
If you’re in Madrid, we’ll even organise face-to-face meetups throughout the year, so you can practice what you’ve learned, make connections, and maybe, just maybe, find that friend you need.
Book a call with me to explore how learning Spanish through storytelling can help you connect with others and integrate into life in Spain.
